Elie, 44

I'm a modern man,

A man for the millennium,

Digital and smoke free.

A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist,

Politically anatomically and ecologically incorrect.

I've been uplinked and downloaded.

I've been inputted and outsourced.

I know the upside of downsizing.

I know the downside of upgrading.

I'm a high tech lowlife.

A cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker,

And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I'm new wave but I'm old school,

And my inner child is outward bound.

I'm a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer,

Voice activated and biodegradable.

I interface from a database,

And my database is in cyberspace,

So I'm interactive,

I'm hyperactive,

And from time-to-time,

I'm radioactive.

Behind the eight ball,

Ahead of the curve,

Riding the wave,

Dodging a bullet,

Pushing the envelope.

I'm on point,

On task,

On message,

And off drugs.

I got no need for coke and speed,

I got no urge to binge and purge.

I'm in the moment,

On the edge,

Over the top,

But under the radar.

A high concept,

Low profile,

Medium range ballistic missionary.

A street-wise smart bomb.

A top gun bottom feeder.

I wear power ties,

I tell power lies,

I take power naps,

I run victory laps.

I'm a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach.

A raging workaholic.

A working ragaholic.

Out of rehab,

And in denial.

I got a personal trainer,

A personal shopper,

A personal assistant,

And a personal agenda.

You can't shut me up,

You can't dumb me down.

'Cause I'm tireless,

And I'm wireless.

I'm an alpha male on beta blockers.

I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever.

Laid back but fashion forward.

Up front,

Down home,

Low rent,

High maintenance.

Super size,

Long lasting,

High definition,

Fast acting,

Oven ready,

And built to last.

I'm a hands on,

Foot loose,

Knee jerk,

Head case.

Prematurely post traumatic,

And I have a love child who sends me hate mail.

But I'm feeling,

I'm caring,

I'm healing,

I'm sharing.

A supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver.

My output is down,

But my income is up.

I take a short position on the long bond,

And my revenue stream has its own cash flow.

I read junk mail,

I eat junk food,

I buy junk bonds,

I watch trash sports.

I'm gender specific,

Capital intensive,

User friendly,

And lactose intolerant.

I like rough sex.

I like rough sex.

I like tough love.

I use the f word in my email,

And the software on my hard drive is hard core, no soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini mall.

I bought a mini van in a mega store.

I eat fast food in the slow lane.

I'm toll free,

Bite sized,

Ready to wear,

And I come in all sizes.

A fully equipped,

Factory authorized,

Hospital tested,

Clinically proven,

Scientifically formulated medical miracle.

I've been pre-washed,

Pre-cooked,

Pre-heated,

Pre-screened,

Pre-approved,

Pre-packaged,

Post-dated,

Freeze-dried,

Double-wrapped,

Vacuum-packed,

And I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I'm a rude dude,

But I'm the real deal.

Lean and mean.

Cocked, locked and ready to rock.

Rough tough and hard to bluff.

I take it slow.

I go with the flow.

I ride with the tide.

I got glide in my stride.

Drivin' and movin',

Sailin' and spinnin',

Jivin' and groovin',

Wailin' and winnin'.

I don't snooze,

So I don't lose.

I keep the pedal to the metal,

And the rubber on the road.

I party hearty,

And lunch time is crunch time.

I'm hanging in,

There ain't no doubt.

And I'm hanging tough,

Over and out.

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• Pontos

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